Students Create Ceremony to Move through Grief and Loss
Joan Diamond, MS, Counselor
It is not uncommon to discover that the students who come to us often have suffered some significant losses in their young lives. Some of these losses are traumatic and untimely—the unexpected death of a parent or caregiver, a divorce, the death of a significant friend or relative, separation from a caregiver, a perceived and influential change in the home environment and/or the loss of a stable home life. At times these losses create havoc on a student’s sense of internal safety and connection with themselves and others. A student/child may believe he/she has lost pieces of their childhood. Loss can be complex when a sense of guilt, powerlessness, shame, fear, isolation and anger pervade. At Turning Winds Academic Institute (TWAI), where time slows down, social distractions are minimized, self-reflection is emphasized, and support is offered in a wrap-around structured environment; students often come to understand what contributed to their difficulties at home. At times they may even hold a sense of what needs to be done to rebuild internal coping mechanisms that create an environment of safety, hope, connection, and wholeness.
This spring, nearly one year following the death of parents of two students, two students came to me separately with requests as to ways they wanted to pay tribute to a deceased parent/caregiver. I was desirous to honor and support each of their visions and sense of tradition. One day in May, I followed a young male student out to the nearby wooded area adjacent to our school. He had selected five other males to accompany and support him in his task of saying goodbye. He filled a shoebox with a photo, a letter, and four homemade origami cranes (each crane represented one of the four seasons). Together the boys selected a site, collected stones, dug a hole for the shoebox and buried it. The students then marked the site with a heart and initials made from the stones they had gathered. The boys included, at the memorial marking, a cross constructed from available wood and shared words and traditional songs of care and honor; there is now a place on TWAI land where this student can return to feel the presence of his beloved caregiver, honor her life, and the recognize the significance of her loss.
One day in June, a different student had a similar vision she made happen. All the students who were involved in these ceremonies felt a sense of care, connection, and empowerment. Each of these students taught me, and continue to teach me, the value of a safe and self-reflective environment, the value of taking action in the face of loss, the need to be listened to and supported in one’s ideas and visions, the healing power of ceremony, and the importance of helping to make a dream into a reality. TWAI is not only a place that honors and reflects the growth process of a troubled teenager, it also reflects the losses we all endure and informs a direction to move through those losses.
Joan Diamond, MS, Counselor, TWAI
